


A chance at life

by procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asshole Thranduil, Avengers Family, Awesome Balin (Tolkien), Awesome Dís, BAMF Dís, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Tauriel, BAMF Women, Bard the Bowman is So Done, Beorn's House, Bifur Is a Sweetheart, Bifur's Axe Injury (Tolkien), Bofur's Hat - Freeform, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Crossover, Dwalin Is A Softie, Dáin Ironfoot Appreciation Society, Elves are Dicks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Families of Choice, Father-Daughter Relationship, Flashbacks, Fíli and Kíli Are Little Shits, Gandalf Is So Done, Gen, Gold Sick Thorin, Hydra (Marvel), Minor Kíli/Tauriel, Modern Girl in Middle Earth, Mother Hen Dori, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Nori is a Little Shit, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, One Big Happy Family, Ori Is A Sweetheart, Past Rape/Non-con, Pedophilia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protectiveness, Rape Recovery, Reader-Insert, Red Room (Marvel), Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Thorin Is an Idiot, Thorin's A+ Parenting, Trauma, Uncle Thorin, Underage Drinking, Underage Rape/Non-con, Where In Middle-Earth Is Gandalf?, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:20:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28525362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics/pseuds/procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics
Summary: Hydra made a third and successful attempt at creating a super soldier. The Winter Soldier and the female Super Soldier from the second attempt had a child. Three is trained to kill and the perfect weapon with no name. In the official files, she´s called either that or "asset", but in truth she has no name. When she finally escapes, fate ruins her attempts at a fullfilled life. But how can you be happy when you're something between a broken puppet and a ghost of the past?
Relationships: (onesided), Brock Rumlow/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Kíli (Tolkien)/Tauriel (Hobbit Movies), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Natasha Romanov (Marvel) & Reader, Natasha Romanov (Marvel)/Reader, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov, Thorin Oakenshield & Thorin's Company, Thorin Oakenshield/Reader, Thorin's Company/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	1. Mission #385

"Asset" the command was barked at you. You opened your eyes, still regaining conciousness from the procedure. You sat up and immediately regretted it when a sharp pain shot through you neck, back and forearms.

"Do you know where you are?" someone said

When you didn´t immediately reply, you were slapped across the face. "I said, do you know where you are?"

"No, sir."

"You are in New York. Your useless father has disobeyed Hydra and tried to escape. We´ve got him back on track but we want you to keep an eye on him."

"Yes, sir."

"Do you remember me? Do you remember slitting my housekeepers throat?"

You looked at the man. The last time you had been wiped hadn´t been as thorough, you remembered his name.

"Alexander Pierce."

"Yes, good. I´m going to head to S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters now. You will make sure the Winter Soldier does not fail again."

"Am I permitted a question?"

"Go on."

"What did you do to me this time?"

"Arnim Zola still had plans for you. We thought it would be fun to add a little twist to your donors arm. We put vibranium plates in your forearms, at the back of your neck and down your spine. Go change into combat uniform and begin your mission."

"Yes, sir"

time skip

You saw the Winter Soldier get on the helicarrier. You couldn´t follow him up there, but he would do his job. Your "father" you laughed. After your "mother" had given birth to you, she had been put back into cyro. Your father had trained you, along with Madame B., while learning how to walk, you simultaneosly learned the basics of killing. The girls in the Red Room were scared of you and rightfully so. You had nothing to lose. You still remembered them. Most of the "useless" parts of your childhood, if you could call it that, had been erased, but your Handlers had made sure to make you remember the especially painful details. Not that there had ever been much hapiness in your life. Even girls that were broken too rejecting you. The woman of some Cartel Boss reading you a christmas story when you were seven because she felt sorry for you, then watching her getting tortured to death, because of you. A handler breaking your bones and letting them grow back together in a few minutes, just to break them again. Arnim Zola offering you candy and then making you watch as he experimented on some new subject.

The Winter Soldier had had a life before this. You weren´t sure if that was better or worse. You had never known anything else, even less than the girls in the Red Room. You had no other skills than those that were designated for killing. Most of the time, you spoke German with Arnim Zola, who basically raised you. Even though he hadn´t exactly been kind, he had talked to you, which was more than anyone else had done. Russian or English with most Handlers. You also knew French, Spanish, Latin, Chinese, Hindu, Japanese, Arabic and a few other (fictional) languages. Apart from languages, emotional manipulation and killing in every thinkable way, you were taught ballet, like every student of the Red Room.

Sometimes you learned a few skills for some mission and so, a curious skillset had been made over the years. While waiting for the Winter Soldier to finish his mission, you tried out your new metal plates. They were pretty neat. Much better than the Winter Soldiers and probably much more effective. Suddenly, you saw something falling from the helicarrier, followed by another figure. When the light reflected from the metal arm, you had no doubt who it was. Using your enhanced stamina, you sprinted to the edge of the water and stopped abruptly when you saw the Winter Soldier give the target mouth-to-mouth. He hadn´t noticed you yet. You readied your rifle and put in an anesthetic dart (fancy I know!). The Winter Soldier looked up and started leaving. You were about to pull the trigger, when he looked in your direction. You saw the hurt, the confusion and the fear in his eyes. He wasn´t the Winter Soldier. You didn´t have the heart to use the backup trigger words. You wanted to keep him from leaving but at the same time you wanted to do something that was right. Even if it was just to spite him. You let your father go.

You shot yourself in the leg three times before making your way to the base. You already regretted what you had done, but at the same time you were hopeful. Maybe he would get you out, maybe you would have a chance at life.

time skip

Your entire body was aflame. They had taken care of your injuries of course, they didn´t want to lose their most valuable weapon. That didn´t stop them from raping and torturing you. You were lying face down on the floor. That last kick to the stomach had caused some internal bleeding, you were sure, but it didnßt matter anymore. Why keep going? The only person that you had felt some obligation to take care of was free. 

"Patch her up and put her into Cyro." Brock Rumlow, for sure. "Wipe her before she goes on ice. She let her weakness show again. I don´t want that happening."

"Yes, sir."

When you saw the chair, you struggled against the handlers that were currently holding you, but with the anesthesia in your system, you weren´t strong enough, power or not. Normally, you wouldn´t plead with them, it made no sense, but you were so tired.

"Please let me go. Please just- I promise I won´t dissapoint you again. I´ll kill him just please-"

Rumlow had his sadistic smile on again. "Shush princess, we don´t want someone like you going after him. You let him go once, you´ll do it again. But I promise, after we wipe you, you´ll be a new person."

They put you down and secured you. Then it began. You screamed and screamed until you didn´t know why and then there was only the pain that was left.

"Put her into cyro and send her to Siberia, no one will find the asset there." 

That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.


	2. Don´t look at that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are woken up in Siberia by a man you´ve never seen before. He says his name is Zemo. He wants to reunite you with the Winter Soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah we´re in Siberia yay! This is set during CA: CW  
> TW: Implied/referenced torture

"Asset" You opened your eyes. How nice of Hydra to make you feel at home. Familiar greeting, strapped to a chair and in some dusty cellar. The nostalgia was real.

"Yes, sir?" you replied tiredly.

"My name is Zemo. You are in the Hydra facility in Siberia. Do you know what that means?"

"Home sweet home?" you guessed "this is where my mother is in cyro."

"Was. I turned off her life support."

"Do you want me to cry now? I´ve never spoken a fucking word with her."

"You´re not here because of your mother. Your father will be arriving soon. By now, he´ll remember you. Imagine how guilty he´ll feel if he sees you tortured to the brink of death." Zemo said with a nasty smile.

You smiled back. "The Winter Soldier isn´t very remorseful, you do realize that, right?"

"No, but Bucky is." 

"Who the hell is Bucky?" you asked. He didn´t reply. And then it began.

time skip

After what felt like an eternity, the man left you alone. You had no energy left. Your head fell onto your chest. Your arms and your face were covered in your own blood and you could still see several torture instruments lying around. You had to admit, it made for quite a scene. Suddenly, you heard footsteps on your right. They were faint, but the figure in the shadows was much closer than a person that wasn´t sneaking around. He was wearing a black suit with silver embellishments and cat ears? This person seriously had cat ears? The figure hadn´t seen you and soon, you heard other people approaching. This place was busy today.

Suddenly, two men came into view. The first was the Winter Soldier and the second appeared to be Captain America. 

"What´s up dad?" you said with a weak smile.

"Is this some kind of joke from Hydra?" Steve asked "Tying up an innocent girl and making her say such things." he turned to Bucky, before rushing to your side and beginning to get you from the chair. You looked at your father. As soon as he had seen you, he turned pale, like he had just seen a ghost. 

"So apparently your name is Bucky. Any clue what mine is?" you asked. You tried to hide the pain and exhaustion, in case Hydra was watching, thinking about how many men to send. You didn´t want them to know that sending you to the brink of death had worked quite well. If you just had some more time, you could heal up a bit.

Bucky didn´t look at you. Instead he turned to Steve. "This girl is my daughter. I remember her now. She was Hydras most succesful project." and to you he said "I am so sorry. I should´ve gotten you out earlier."

"No shit. You done golden boy?" you couldn´t bear the looks of pity. It was something new and you didn´t like it at all. It made you feel weak and with Hydra, weakness coudn´t be afforded. When the chair finally opened, you got out and tried to stand up, failing miserably. Your legs gave out and if it hadn´t been for Captain America, you would´ve faceplanted.

For the third time today, you heard footsteps approaching. "There´s someone coming." Captain America said.

Then Iron Man, also known as Tony Stark stepped into view. "You were right Capsicle, about the attack in Vienna. I knew you were bringing your bestie from the 40s, mind telling me who this lovely lady is?"

"I hardly look lovely, being covered in blood and all, but thanks." you replied

"What´s your name?" Tony asked

"No idea. In Hydra files I´m called the Asset or Three. I was trying to figure that out with my dad before you came to join our little party."

"So which ones your dad. I´m guessing the Seargant?"

"Yep." you popped the "p".

Bucky spoke up this time. "You don´t have a name three, I´m sorry." he looked crestfallen. Damn, Zemo had been right. He probably felt guilty as hell right now.

"How nice of all of you to join me today." when you spoke of the devil. You saw Zemo sitting in the control room.

"Fuck off asshole." you yelled. What was he going to do to you? Torture you again? He could try, but there were two Super Soldiers and a soda can in the room.

"Language." Steve muttered.

You zoned put when Zemo was talking, going through the possible scenarios and how to get the fuck out of here, when everyone was moving closer to a screen. Steve sat you down on a chair. "I´m just a little tired you know, not incapitated." you muttered but you didn´t mind. You had a bad feeling about this. You wanted to get out, as soon as possible. When Tony started arguing with Steve, you felt sick to the stomach. You knew what he had just seen. You wanted to stop them, but the day had taken a toll on you and you could feel that there was something wrong with your guts. When they began fighting, you wanted to get up and stop them. You stood up, walked a few meters and fell to the ground. Stupid legs! Then something hard hit you over the head and everything went black.

When you came to, you saw Tony blasting Buckys arm off. He was going to kill him you realized. He was going to kill Bucky for something he probably wanted to kill himself for. With the last energy you had left, you pulled yourself forward, to where they were fighting. Tony was so focused on Bucky that he didn´t see you. Nonetheless, you wouldn´t be able to tackle him. Slowly, you got up and stood in front of Bucky.

"Don´t kid, this isn´t your fight." Tony said

"It is. He didn´t choose this. He didn´t want to do it. Your parents were killed, so I could be created. He was forced to. Just please don´t."

You took a step toward Tony. "He had nightmares from it. His cell was next to mine, when we weren´t in cyro. Even as the Winter Soldier, he was haunted by what he did. If you want to hurt someone kill Zemo, or me but not him. I never had a life, he did."

"He already lived his life. He´s done enough damage."

"He didn´t deserve what happened, you didn´t deserve what happened. This whole world is fucked up Mr. Stark and if you won´t let someone who had his life ripped apart get some happiness then I don´t know why you should even bother being with the Avengers to make a better world."

"People like him don´t deserve shit. He killed my mother. Now I´m going to kill him."

"No, you won´t." you didn´t know which part of your brain thought it was smart to bodyslam a fucking suit made of Nitinol, but here you were.

You groaned on the impact and when you fell back onto the floor, you knew something was wrong. The bad feeling about your guts had been justified, because they were almost spilling out of your stomach. You gave up.

"You´ve got one hell of a daughter, Barnes." Tony said. You could feel yourself being lifted off of the floor and then you were outside. You realized someone was loading you onto a plane. And was that Cat-guy? You were drifting away. The only reason you were alive right now was the serum and for once you felt greatful for it?

time skip

"You awake kiddo?" guessing from the voice, you´d say it was Tony.

"I´m not being shouted at." you said "how am I supposed to feel at home?"

Tony stared a bit.

"You´re allowed to laugh. I can only make fun of trauma. Where am I?"

"Wakanda"   
  


You looked to the side. "Cap. What are you doing here. Thought you two had gotten into a fight. Let me guess, you talked it out like real men?"

"They tried. There was a lot of shouting." Bucky said. "His name´s Steve by the way."

Then, there was another person in your field of vision.

"You must be king T´Challa. Sorry about the whole Vibranium stealing research destroying thing, wasn´t really my idea."

"No worries, you are safe in Wakanda Your father will go into cyro, until the trigger words can no longer affect him. Do you have any trigger words?"

"Only three. They didn´t have to erase that much with me."

"Any backup trigger words or something like that?" another new person

"Nope. Who are you?"

"Shuri. I´m going to get the trigger words out. Gotta say, surviving the whole guts-spilling-out thing was pretty impressive. Even with the serum, you shouldn´t have survived."

"I have an improved version."

"Cool. Mind if I take blood samples?"

"No, go ahead. What happens after cyro?" you asked

"You get rehabilitation, so you can go back to your normal life."

"Spoiler alert: I don´t have one. Can we figure that out after cyro though? I´m really tired of everything and I wouldn´t mind catching some sleep."

"Sure. See you when the trigger words are out." Shuri said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zemo took you out btw, before getting out of the facility.


	3. Wakanda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a year in cyro, you wake up and begin your new life in Wakanda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect me to frequently reference to other spy movies I´ve watched.

When you woke up in your cyrochamber you felt like no time had passed at all, maybe a night or so but not more. You were looking around as much as you could until the chamber was opened. You stepped outside and looked at the second chamber in the room. 

"When are you going to wake him?" you asked no one in particular.

"Hopefully next week. Even though you had less trigger words, they were ingrained into your system much better." Shuri replied "I have a surprise for you."

She left the room and you followed her, not looking back. It was eaasier, you had found, not looking back. You couldn´t see the destruction you left behind. Shuri went down a few stairs and entered a different hallway.

"This is my lab. Tony sent something for you and he wanted me to take a look at it aswell, just in case. Go ahead."

You walked inside. In the middle of the room was a brand new suit, similar to your old one but it looked more carefully made. You still wore the one Hydra had given you for the mission a few years back, the one they had put you into cyro with. This new one was black looking similar to the one the famous Black Widow wore. It had cut-outs on the forearms though, allowing you to use your own metal plates more effectively and it used some kind of metal at the waist and the legs, probably for more protection. Attached to it was a note. Carefully, you unfolded it. 

It said "Hey kid, I´m really sorry about the fiasco in Siberia. Natasha told me you're probably the best assassin in the world. The suit you were wearing when Capsicle found you is probably a bit old so I thought I´d give you a new one. Don´t do anything too stupid, they´ve got superheros, especially Avengers on their radars nowadays. -Tony"

Was he implying that you were a hero? You didn´t know what to do with the suit. Right now, you didn´t want to fight, but the thirst for revenge was there. You turned to Shuri.

"So what do I do now?" you asked

"Whatever you want."

Freedom of choice. An actual decision that you could make, and not between two very painful options but just for what you wanted for your OWN future.

"Can I take a shower and get some new clothes?"

"Sure. You´ll have to stay in the hospital for observation for the next three days and then you can move out if you want." Shuri said

time skip: three days later

You had decided that you wanted to life in the middle of Wakanda, near the palace. T´Challa gave you a house that was really spacious and had everything anyone could possibly ever need. In return, you promised to not cause any trouble or break any laws. You had also agreed to get more education. Even though you had the basics on everything and very extensive knowledge in some fields, you hadn´t had the education that school would normally cover. Together with a tutor, you had figured out what you still had to learn.

You were just settling into a bed of your own for the first time when the phone that had been given you rang. Hesitantly, you picked up.

"Hello?"

"This is Natasha Romanov. I heard you were in Wakanda."

"I think I remember you, nut how did you get my number?"

"KGB baby." Natasha said "I just wanted to apologize. For everything I´ve done to you and the pain I may have caused you. I hope I can make it up to you somehow."

"Thank you." you said. Not so long ago, no one had ever apologized to you and now two people in a week? You weren´t exactly used to it.

"Goodbye Three, I hope I can apologize to you in person someday."

"Bye Natasha"

When you closed your eyes, memories flashed before you. A redheaded girl fighting back, the only one in her group. The two of you talking shortly, before getting pulled apart. A few years later, tracking down a traitor of the Red Room getting shot in the arm and failing your mission. Your first failed mission. researching the alien invasion in New York and seeing her again. Covering a report on the Avengers attacking a base in Sokovia and seeing her in incredible pain from the trauma of her long-gone childhood a few days later. 

And then, there was another memory. You were once again in the Red Room, training with a dozen of Hydras best under the watchful eyes of Madame B. They had had weapons and you had nothing. Twelve of Hydras best assassins against a twelve-year-old. When they had ordered a Widow to fix you up, you hadn´t expected the ten-year-old from two years ago. She was an adult now and for you, only two years had passed. She had slipped you some food and told you how strong you were.

Natasha Romanov had been the first person to ever actually be kind to you.

time skip: a week later

"How´s therapy going?" Shuri asked

"Okay I guess. I don´t really see the reason, since I don´t even remember everything but Nakia is really nice, she´s an amazing sparring partner too. I really appreciate her."

"Are your sleeping meds working?" after waking you up from cyro, Shuri had given you sleeping medicatioon so you wouldn´t have bad dreams. You needed some peace and apparently, everyone in Wakanda was trying to make your life as amazing as possible.

"I sleep like a baby."

"We´ve woken up Bucky and I thought you might want to talk to him. He said he wanted to see you."

Shuri opened the door to a room and turned to leave. "I´m going to give you some space. If you need anything, just call me."

You walked inside. The Winter Soldier or actually Bucky, was wearing a dark blue shirt and grey joggers. He had taken off his metal arm.

"Hi Three."

"Hey dad." now that you weren´t joking around, the word felt strange to use. There was an awkward silence.

"Are you okay?" he asked

"Better than ever. I mean it, this place is amazing and everyone is super nice. How about you?"

"I´m feeling alright I guess." Bucky looked to the ground.

"What´s wrong?" you asked

"I did that to you." he replied

"What do you mean?"

"The scar on your cheekbone."

You reached up to your left cheek. There was a tiny scar left, a white line that was barely visible. Yet, you remembered. It had been a sparring session, one where you were older. It had been you against Brock Rumlow, your father and Grant Ward. With twelve, you could barely defeat your father but the three of them meant that that day was going to be especially painful. You had managed to take out Rumlow, who scared you the most. He raped you and even though you didn´t understand when you were younger, you did now. You were working on Ward when a punch came your way. You dodged the arm and turned around, trying to block your father, but the Winter Soldier was as much of a beaten dog as you. Without remorse, he slashed you cheek with a knife. Normally, you would´ve kept on fighting but that day you sat down and cried until someone eventually took you out. The punishment was bad, but not as bad as the pity from Bucky.

"I lost that day. It´s not your fault."

"I cheated, I made you fail. I should´ve taken a hit for you, you´re my daughter."

"Did you know that at that point?"

"No, they had wiped me before."

"See, you aren´t the one to blame. Even if you had known, I wouldn´t blame you. We didn´t have a choice."

"But I did." it was irritating, the way he was talking and looking at the ground.

"Look at me James"

He kept staring at the ground.

"Hey, if you feel so terribly guilty, then fucking look at me."

Hesitantly, he looked at you and averted his eyes again.

"When I see you, I can only remember what I did wrong."

"Geez, I´m sorry."

"Not in that way." Bucky added quickly. "You aren´t a mistake."

"No, but a fucking experiment." you mumbled under your breath.

"You aren´t a mistake. The choices I made, the way I treated you, that was a mistake."

"Look at me, you owe me that." you almost shouted at him.

Finally, he met your gaze and didn´t immediately look away.

"What´s in the past is in the past. We can´t change it. Unlike you, I´ve done only one good thing ever, and that was letting you go. If you keep on wallowing in self-pity, I might startr regretting it. You fought Hydra. I´ve only actually lived fourteen years and until a week ago, they were full of shit. I want this new life to be better. And I want you to have a better life too. I want to get to know you, in a father-daughter sense you know. I can´t look back because what I left behind is a dark fucking place. We are going to move on from it, deal?"

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this fanfic, the Avengers didn´t break up, they´re just underground, so it´s Infinity War on friendly terms basically.


	4. Snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanos attacks, get ready for a lot of hurt and a little comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Birnin Zana is the capital of Wakanda  
> TW: graphic descriptions of violence; flashbacks of rape

In the next few months, you and Bucky grew much closer. He told you about his past life and you talked about life in Birnin Zana. You tried to visit him as often as possible and spent a lot of time with him. Today was one of those days again.

"Steve used to be a tiny asthmatic boy?" you asked "that´s impossible."

Bucky laughed. "I didn´t even recognize him at first, he was so buff suddenly. All my life, I looked on the top of his head and now we were basically the same height."

"And you were actual friends?" you asked "like in the movies?". Even in Wakanda, you didn´t have a lot of friends. Nakia, your therapist, was a spy. You had found out in your first therapy session. You were okay with it, but it meant that the two of you wouldn´t actually develop a real friendship plus the fact that she was much older. Shuri was nice, but she had her own life and again, was 4 years her senior. You didn´t even try to talk to other fourteen-year-olds. Everyone knew who you were and where you were from and quite a few people openly despised you.

"Yeah, like in the movies kid."

You were about to ask him something else when you were interrupted by Shuri.

"Sergeant Barnes, Three, we need you in Birnin Zana." she exclaimed, before anyone could say anything. "The Avengers are here."

To Bucky she said "I´ve made you a new arm, I´ll install it on the way if that´s okay."

"Where´s the fight?" Bucky sighed. Suddenly, he looked so tired. Sometimes you could almost forget that he´d been fighting since 1943.

"I´ll brief you on the way." was all that Shuri said

time skip: that place where all the important peeps met up

When you and Bucky got off of the floating car, you saw a few of the Avengers suiting up for battle. You recognized Steve and Natasha, who had apparently dyed her hair, Wanda, Vision, Bruce and a few more. You got off after Bucky, who went to embrace Steve in what they called a hug. You on the other hand stood around nervously, concentrating on the floor. 

After a few moments, Okoye came up to you. "Natasha Romanov wants to meet you. She said that due to your similar training, you´ll fight well together."

"Sure." you replied

"Hi Three, I´m Natasha." the famous spy explained

"I´m Three, but everyone here seems to know that." you replied "You wanted to fight with me?"

"Yeah, we both did the Red Room training after all. I would like to see you fight too."

"Okay, well I got a briefing but when exactly do we start fighting?" you asked, when you were interrupted by the sound of impact. You looked up and saw that something had hit the shields in the sky.

"Now." Natasha replied

time skip: middle of the battle

The alien creature lunged at you again. You ducked and slashed at its exposed belly. The creature howled in pain and fell to the ground. Satisfied, you wiped the knife on the fabric of your suit. You grabbed your gun, but it had run out of munition so you settled for the swords on your back. You looked around. Thor was electrocuting alien after alien while Bucky and the racoon basically made a murder carousel. The Dora Milaje were off to the side, stabbing at one of those bigger monsters while Steve was fighting alone. You had been separated from Natasha a few minutes ago and looked around to regroup.

She was fighting along with Okoye, killing monsters left and right, which stopped her from seeing Proxima Midnight who was creeping up on them.

"Watch out!" you yelled, lunging at her. She was good, you could tell. Even though you would normally defeat her with ease, you were trying to look out for everyone else as well and you had been fighting much longer. 

"You are not worth my time." she proclaimed suddenly and turned on Wanda, who had returned from the lab.

"Fuck off!" you yelled

Together with Okoye and Natasha, you attacked her again. You had gotten a few hits in when Wanda used her levitation powers to squish her underneath some alien war machine.

"That was really gross." Natasha said and for the first time in forever, you laughed.

time skip: end of the battle

Together with Natasha, you were tracking down Thanos in the dense jungle. It wasn´t very hard and soon you could see him. Smiling smugly, he made his way to Vision. Natasha desperately dove at him with a taser. Without even looking, he threw her against one of the trees. You knew it was useless, but you were angry at him, and so you too attacked him. Swords drawn, you slashed at his arms. You managed to cut one off. The one without the gauntlet.

"Wrong arm." he smirked. Using the reality stone, he gave himself his arm back and punched you in the back. You felt your rib crack and the pain sear through your back. He would´ve snapped you like a twig if it hadn´t been for the metal plates down your spine, you realized.

You tried to get back up but failed. Somewhere behind you, Bucky came out of the trees and rushed to your side.

"Are you okay kid?" he asked 

"Yeah, just took a hit from Thanos. I´ll be fine soon, don´t worry."

"Don´t worry?" he felt your ribs and you sucked in your breath when he touched the area of impact. "He literally broke your ribs." 

"I´ll be fine dad, we have to stop him." you said.

Bucky opened his mouth when the energy wave hit. You knew that you had failed. You turned to Bucky, just to see him crumble to dust right in front of your eyes.

"Dad?" you asked, trying to hold the parts that were still left together

"I´m sorry kid. I should´ve protected you, but it was you who saved me."

"No, you can´t go. We just started living, dad we just got our chance to be free. Don´t die on me, please." you begged, but he was already gone. You kept pleading, on your knees in the middle of this godforsaken jungle, trying to gather up the dust that was left of him. You couldn´t get up, it was too hard. The one thing you had actually valued, this life you had begun to live with your father in Wakanda, it was all gone with the snap of an ugly raisins fingers.

Eventually, you gave up on trying to gather the dust on the floor and sat there staring at the earth beneath you. You were going to stay here. Maybe you could just lie down and go to sleep. Maybe when you woke up, you would be in your room in Birnin Zana and you could tell Nakia what had happened in this ridiculous nightmare of yours.

"You can´t stay here kid." you felt arms around you, they were suffocating you. You had to get out, you had to fight it. "Relax, it´s just me, you´re in Wakanda, your handlers can´t hurt you. They aren´t here." it was Natasha. You tried to relax, tried to ignore the memories you associated with arms around you and hot breath on your neck. It felt nice when she did it, this hugging thing.

"I´m going to get you back to the Avengers Facility and then we are going to fix your ribs, okay?" she asked

You nodded in response and felt something lift you off the ground. 

"Go to sleep, малышка." she said. You drifted off into a dreamless sleep, feeling at peace for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> малышка= little one, sweetheart


	5. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up a few days after the Snap, only to find out Thor killed Thanos. What are you going to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> малышка= sweetheart, little one  
> TW: mentions/descriptions of torture, flashbacks

When you woke up this time, you were in a different room. It was obviously a sickbay of some kind, but it definetly wasn´t Wakanda. The good news was, it wasn´t Hydra either. Then, you remembered everything that happened. 

The battle, getting your ribs broken, Bucky, the Snap and at last Natasha telling you to go to sleep. You were in the Avengers Facility, somewhere in America. 

"Good Morning, Three. How can I be of assistance?" a voice coming from seemingly nowhere asked.

"Who are you?" you asked

"My name is Friday, I am an AI that Tony Stark created to be his personal assistance. Now, I also try to assist around the facility. How can I help you?" Friday replied

"Where can I find Natasha Romanov?" 

"Natasha Romanov is currently in the kitchen."

"How can I get there?"

"Go to the end of the corridor and take the lift to the second floor. There, you should find the community kitchen."

"Thank you Friday."

"My pleasure."

You made your way to the community kitchen, where you found Natasha talking on the phone. When she saw you, she ended the call and turned to you.

"I´ll call you back later Rhodey, I´ll check the resources though."

"What are you doing?" you asked

"Making a peanut butter sandwich. I´ll just eat it and then I´ll show you your room. I´m sure you want a change of clothes."

You looked at yourself and realized you were still wearing your hospital gown.

"Yeah that would be nice. Are we the only ones here?"

"It´s been five days since the Snap and Steve just said that he wants to get an apartment. Too many memories. Most of the other Avengers that live here were snapped or cut off contact. We are the only ones who live here permanently right now."

"Oh. So the Snap was permanent?"

"Yeah, I´m sorry малышка. Bucky´s gone."

"If everyone moved out, why are you still here?" you asked. You knew it was off-topic, but you weren´t very good at dealing with your feelings and you certainly didn´t want to in this moment.

"The Avengers are my family. Even if most of them are gone, there´s still some left and I will try to make the world a better place until I´m gone. Besides, I´ve got you now."

"I hope I´m not nuisance."

"Not at all. I think it´s good that you´re here. Wakanda was nice, I´m sure, but you need to live an actual life and I could use a friend right now."

"You want me to be your friend?"

"Yeah why not. If you want to be mine. It´s probably new to you, but it´s worth it."

time skip: that evening

After Natasha had shown you the facility and your room, she had left you to your own devices, telling you to come to the community kitchen at about seven o´clock for dinner.

Your room had been simple and was mostly undecorated. There was a queen-sized bed, a desk, a closet and a half-empty bookshelf. There was no decoration except for a painting of a beach, which was hanging over your desk. When you opened the door to an adjoining door, it revealed a small bathroom with a shower, a toilet and a sink. The closet had a few different sets of clothing which were identical in everything but size. They consisted of grey joggers and blue pullovers or shirts with the S.H.I.E.L.D emblem printed on somewhere. 

After a shower, you put on the right size of clothing and looked for a clock. When you didn´t find one, you asked Friday.

"Hey Friday?" you tried

"How can I help you?"

"What´s the time?"

"It´s six-thirty." 

"Thanks."

"No problem."

You still had half an hour left. You decided to take another look at the training grounds. The shooting range was nicely equipped and there was a clean boxing ring, which was a luxury, considering Hydra´s standards. There were some other storage rooms with sparring weapons and you found the rooms with the real weapons and suits aswell.

There was an old suit for the Falcon and another Black Widow suit and when you walked around a bit more, you found two of your own suits. The one you had worn in Wakanda and a new one, which had a tag on it. The tag read: updated, nano-tech.

Even though you were fascinated by all the weapons and the other equipment, there wasn´t very much to see and you soon headed towards the kitchen, passing the lap pool and the gym on the way.

Natasha was already in the kitchen when you made it there.

"Hungry?" she asked

"Yeah. So what´s for dinner?"

"Have you ever had pizza?"

"I saw it on a mission once, but that doesn´t count I guess."

"That really doesn´t count. We´re ordering pizza and watching a movie. Do you have any triggers?"

"Not really I guess. Nakia and I went over it in therapy but she said that because I wasn´t talen from a better life, my flashbacks don´t affect me as much. They´re just memories I guess."

"That´s bullshit. Flashbacks are flashbacks and they suck, especially in your case. We´re watching a disney movie."

time skip: end of the movie

When the credits rolled, Natasha looked at you with an inquiring look on her face.

"How was it?"

"It was new. But nice. I´d like to do it again sometime. So what are we going to do in the next few weeks?"

"Well, you´re not cleared for missions and I wouldn´t assign you for one, even if you were. I don´t really have a lot of missions either, more paperwork. I guess I´ll work and you can finish your education and take finals if you want. From what I heard from Shuri you can take several final exams from different countries. You can take them all here and then you can think about university later if you want. I´d like to train with you to see what your skills are and maybe we can spend some time together, find a few hobbies for you. I´m sure Steve wants to talk to you too."

"Why would Steve wanna talk to me?"

"He probably still feels bad about that incident in Siberia and it´s kind of his thing, making speeches and telling you that you´re an amazing person and capable of so much more. I mean in your case it´s true but after the hundreth time of hearing it, it gets a bit old."

"You like him."

"What?"

"No offense, but you have that look on your face when you talk about him. It´s not as dreamy as with other people in love but it´s there."

"Maybe you´re right."

"Yeah well maybe you should go on a date together, you did hook up in those years between the whole fight thing and the Snap so..."

"I really tried to convince myself you wouldn´t notice but you´re pretty good. Where´d you learn?"

"There was this one scientist at Hydra, she did nothing but behavioural patterns. She taught me. And the Red Room of course."

"I should´ve known."

"Probably."

time skip: middle of the night

"Asset." the man towered over you.

"Ready to comply."

"Liar." he slapped you. "Wipe her again. She wants to misbehave."

"What? No I didn´t I swear I´ll do anything you ask just please-"

He slapped you again. "Stop talking you little bitch. Do you know what we do to assets who don´t follow orders."

"Yes sir."

"I don´t think so. Bring him out."

They carried in the soldier. He was bleeding from several wounds but still, he was fighting back.

"This traitor is your father. He tried to escape tonight. The mission failed because of him. You have his traitorous blood as well. We must punish you."

You closed your eyes. You knew that what was coming was going to be worse than the regular stuff.

"Oh no, don´t close your eyes just yet. Watch."

They began with your arms. Cutting little cuts over the half-healed old ones, they made their way up, pouring alcohol into them as they went. It wasn´t that bad, compared to other things. The days after would be worse, when the skin would begin to peel and itch. Suddenly they stopped.

"You aren´t even screaming asset. Where´s the fun in that?"

You didn´t answer, thinking it was a rhetorical question until they punched you.

"There is no fun in this kind of torture, sir."

"Correct. Even your father seems to be a bit bored by it. How about we give him something to do? Soldat! Come here."

The Winter Soldier made his way over to the other side of the chair. He looked down on you, blue eyes staring in your face but still seeing nothing. You knew this wasn´t him. Whenever he broke free of his programming, he would apologize profusely and then try to make it up to you somehow. When you had been younger, you had blamed him, hated him even. But now, you knew that he had no choice, just like you.

"We have something new for the Soldier to try out today." the man was talking again. You despised him, like all of your other nameless and mostly faceless handlers. "see this, it´s used to take off the burned skin from burn victims. There´s almost no blood. Normally, they aren´t actually conscious, but that´s boring. Begin."

When the Soldier put the device on your skin, it felt like you were getting burned and whipped at the same time. You screamed out in pain and kept on screaming. Suddenly something was shaking your shoulders.

"Wake up! Hey kid, wake up!" instinctively, you grabbed for the kitchen knife you had slipped from the pillow and hacked blindly at your assailant, panicking.

"KID LOOK AT ME!!!"

When the knife was ripped from your grasp, you finally woke from your frenzy and saw a disheveled Natasha holding you by the shoulders.

"I´m so sorry, I didn´t mean to."

"I know малышка, I know. You won´t be able to go back to sleep now, let´s make you some tea okay?"

You nodded in response and followed Natasha to the kitchen.

"I had those dreams too, you know. Clint was always there for me." Natasha said quietly when she had given you the tea. 

"Do they ever go away?"

"Not completely. But they become less frequent and they are easier to deal with and less real." she had sat down in one of the barstools, legs crossed and somehow balancing on the edge while you sat on the counter.

"Should I take sleeping meds again?"

"Like in Wakanda?" you nodded in response. Natasha thought for a bit. "I don´t think so. You can´t run from your past forever. I ran from mine and it cost me the last people of my family. They sacrificed themselves for me and I can´t forgive myself, even now.

"I´m sorry."

"Don´t be. We all make mistakes and we all hurt. but there will always be someone who will welcome you with open arms. Someone who will listen to you. For a long time, I didn´t have that person, then Clint came along. He saved me from myself. You don´t have anyone either. I want to help you and if that means dodging knife attacks in the middle of the night, then that´s what I´ll do."

You looked at her, feeling a bit hopeful. A part of your mind was telling you to not trust anyone, you were just going to get hurt again, but you pushed that part away. Natasha was going to help you. For real, not for research, not because someone told her to but because she wanted to.

"Thank you Natasha."

"Call me Nat."

"Sounds good. Nat. Thank you for helping me."

"Anytime, Three:"


	6. Life at HQ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter summarizes the next two years and I´ll put some scenarios but it´s mostly to cover some time cuz I´m lazy :p

When the alarm rang, you covered your head with your pillow. Why had you agreed to go on a run with Steve on the weekend? You got up and threw on some running clothes. 5:30 in the morning on a Saturday. You reminded yourself why you were doing this. You had promised to help Steve plan the date for Natasha for their one-year-anniversary. You made it to the running track, grumbling all the way and bade Steve goodmorning.

"There´s no need to be so enthusiastic." 

"Fuck off."

"Language."

"Fine. What are we doing today?"

"One hour should be fine."

"Let´s hope your back doesn´t break old man." you replied, already beginning to jog

"I really don´t understand why you´re always so reluctant to go running. You´re faster anyways."

"It´s because you make me get up at this godforsaken hour. I´m doing this for Tasha because even though you are a hopeless romantic, you are also hopeless at planning dates."

"It´s not my problem she doesn´t like rollercoasters."

"You can´t do the stuff you did with all your pals back in the day. She´s a lady and basically my mom. You better treat her right tonight."

"No worries." Steve smirked

"I meant in choosing the right date not what you do after."

"Right. So what do you suggest?"

"Keep it classy. Take her out to that fancy italian restaurant. Pick her up here at the facility and drive her there. Make your move before she turns fifty and develops a crush on George Clooney."

"She´s 35."

"Yeah well you waited long enough. With the pace you´re moving, you´d think she´s a Super Soldier too."

"Fine."

"So that´s that."

The two of you discussed the details of the date and finished your run fifteen minutes early. When you made your way to the kitchen, Nat was already waiting there.

"Did you guys enjoy your run."

"Very much I did not." you replied

"What´s wrong?"

"He likes making me wake up early." you pointed behind you, where Steve was drinking a glass of water.

"And he looks good doing it." Nat replied more to Steve than to you. THE Black Widow tended to get way to cheesy around Capsicle. They kissed and when Nat looked over his shoulder to you, you pretended to gag.

"No worries Three, we´re going to spend some time together too today." Nat said

"Yeah while that´s great, Steve´s basically my uncle so y´all can take the family reunion outside." you pretended to be annoyed by them, but you were happy that they were actually getting it on, it had taken them a long-ass time afterall.

After showering, you all had breakfast together and talked about different stuff. Mainly, your mission clearance and when you´d be allowed to train at S.H.I.E.L.D. After the Snap, Steve and Natasha were some of the few Avengers who started operating again. You´d wanted to go on missions too, as they had been cleared fairly quickly, but noone seemed to want to clear you. You were sure that Natasha took care of that, wanting to protect you.

time skip: shopping with Nat

You were at your favorite coffeeshop when Nat received the text from Steve. You could see her whole face lighten up from across the table. 

"Steve´s taking me out on a date."

"Whatcha doing?" you were a good liar but you were sure Nat saw through you. Moms had a thing for that after all.

"Eating at that fancy italian place."

"Do you have a dress for that?"

"Most of them are super old, so no."

"Wanna go dressshopping."

"Sure."

You made your way through the city, trying on dress after dress before finding one that fit Nat perfectly. It was what you considered a classic for her. Completely black silk with a cowl neckline and a low back on which the spaghetti straps crisscrossed. It had a slit at the leg and was floorlength. It was, in every way, her dress.

"Damn you look good."

"Feel good too."

"You might give Steve a heartattack."

Nat smirked and satisfied with your catch, you drove back to the facility. On the way back home, you discussed the mission clearance.

"You might be getting it soon but in order to get missions, you´ll have to be at the top of your game. You should definetly practice some of your music skills aswell. There´s this one Hydra agent, he´s a huge pedo but he´s also into music. A child prodigy might be the right thing. I´ll try to get you on the mission."

"Really?"

"I don´t see why not. We just need to get him into our reach, you wouldn´t have to do anything dubious, not that I´d let that happen to you."

"You´re the best Nat."

"I know." she smirked

time skip: getting ready for the date

"I think you should have your hair like you had it that night when ugly Ultron came stumbling out. I mean it´s a bit longer but it would look good with the red and the platinum."

"What about make-up?"

"Maybe some light eyeliner and a red lip. Keep the rest simple."

"Do your magic Three." 

And so, you got Nat ready to the best of your abilities. After you were done, you still had a few minutes to spare. Nat put a knife in her thigh holster and even though you knew it wasn´t healthy, you couldn´t argue with her. You would´ve done the same.

You both headed out and you said goodnight to her and then went back inside. You saw Steve arrive with the flowers and give them to her. He opened the door to the car for her and they drove off. You made your way to the practice rooms which not only included facilities for combat training but also all the other aspects of espionage, including a room for dance practice and a music room with different instruments. You decided to begin with the cello and played the Cello Suite no.1.

After you had practiced on the cello, the violin and the piano, you went to the tiny lab that Tony had installed and worked on your weapons. By now, Tony had integrated Nano technology into your suit and it had been stored in the plates in your back for easy access, so you worked on your weapons instead. Tony had sent you blasters similar to the ones Quill had used but right now, they were too heavy. You tried a few things and when you were satisified you binge-watched a few episodes of your favorite series on Netflix. Halfway through, you fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dress inspo: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/527343437615870194/


	7. Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find yourself back in the personal hell you'd hoped you'd never have to return to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: torture, rape, graphic descriptions of violence, pedophilia  
> School has started again, so I'll be updating less frequently, but I'll try at least once a week.

When you felt the cold iron around your wrists, you desperately hoped for them to be a bad nightmare. You kept your eyes closed and tried to wake yourself up, without success.

"This ain't a dream sweetie, you're back home."

You open your eyes to see the agent matching the voice: Crippler.

"You're not real." you spit him in the face. Dream or not, this is what you would've done anyways, no matter the consequences.

When he brutally punches you, you realize that this has to be real. The pain is never like this in your dreams.

"Why am I here?" you ask

"You forget what you are. You're a weapon, nothing more. And weapons don't ask questions. I'm going to tell you anyways, it'll be more fun that way. You see, since the snap, HYDRA regrouped and planned their next step. Of course, we needed our most precious weapon. It's been two years, but I'm sure you'll be back to your old glory soon. But before that, the Supreme said I could do whatever I wanted with you. Listen closely." he smirks and holds your chin in an iron grip as you try to turn away.

"Our science division developed a lovely little drug that helps you with your memory. In the next few hours, you're going to relieve your most painful and terrifying memories. I think that should bring you back on track." you want to strangle the man in front of you, who is obviously enjoying your reaction. You watch helplessly as he connects you to an IV and the liquid begins to trickle into your veins.

********  
"Higher." the command is barked into the cage as you kick at the masked figure. Horrified, you realize you are back in the body of your eight-year-old self.

"She isn't ready for the mission, we should send someone from the Red Room." as the Winter Soldier, you refuse to believe that this is your father, makes you hit the mat, you hear the men in the back talk to Madame B.

"Is there anyone available?"

"No. All of those who are capable of such a mission are to old. The target likes them young."

"Soldat! Let go of her. We need her to look extra pretty tonight." The Winter Soldier immediately lets you go. As he is escorted from the hall, a young woman rushes towards you and begins taking care of the already fading bruises. She is one of those who you call "sheep". You don't know much about them, only that they aren't here by choice. Like you. You try to keep them from getting hurt because the sheep always try to be nice to you.

Soon after the sheep leaves, you are brought to a briefing room.

"Ready to comply." you say

"This is the Target, Mr. Alishenko. He has valuable information on SHIELD documents. He's ex-KGB but he has a little weakness for young girls." the man looks at you, as if he knows some great secret you don't.

"We taught you a lot about sexspionage, Asset. Tonight, you have to forget all that. Pretend you are innocent, inexperienced. You are Olga Ivanova and you have lost your mother. Make him take you back to his room and have his way. Take the files. If possible, leave him alive and unknowing."

Later that evening, you find yourself at a Gala with another agent, your "mother" for the night. Soon enough, you are talking to Alishenko, completely ignoring the other children. You don't know what to expect but you aren't scared. What's the point? Someone is going to hurt you tonight.

His stinking breath is what lingers after he rolls off of you and falls asleep, not concerned that you might break your bonds. You played your role well. Quietly, you free yourself and begin shuffling through his belongings. You find the files and turn to leave, but the man wakes up. He screams for his men, who are soon in the room, but you simply reach for the gun you know is under his desk with the silencer already attached.

You take it and fire, but there are no bullets. Despite this, you don't panic but rather grab the table with superhuman strength and throw it at the mercenaries. Everything after that is a blur. You are about to give Alishenko the anaesthetic that was thankfully still next to the gun, when Madame B. stops you.

"No. Make it look like a massacre."

"I don't have any weapons."

"Not my problem." she turns and leaves

Now you panic. Alishenko begins to struggle under you and you realize once again, you don't want to do this. But you have to. You look around and see a cake fork still stickinng in said meal. You silence Alishenko and run over to grab it. When you have it, you begin stabbing him in the neck. By the end of it, your h/c hair is tinted red at the tips and your forearms covered in blood. Only when you leave the hotel room, you realize that you are crying.  
*********

Memory after memory follows, each one worse than the last and when you finally wake up, you don't know if you should be relieved or terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short but dinner was ready :'(


	8. Target

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are back under Hydras power, and they have a mission for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: sexual assault, violence

"Who are you?" 

"The Asset."

The man looks at you in disgust. "Liar. Wipe her again."

You don't resist when they push you back into the chair. What's the point of fighting? You know you shouldn't give up, you remember someone telling you and you try to keep telling it to yourself, but you can't anymore. The handlers are right, you aren't the Asset anymore.

Someone, somewhere had given you a sense of identity and though you can't grasp who, the new lie detector that Hydra stole from SHIELD a few years ago (at least that's what you could decipher from their strange behaviour) apparently can.

After what feels like hours they ask you again.

"Who are you?"

You don't answer them because frankly, you don't know. You knew once, but not anymore.

"Good. You are no one. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Mission briefing is down the hall, follow me Asset."

"Is that my name?" you ask

"No. You don't have one, only a number. We just call you that because you respond to it." the man, who's face is obscured by a mask, turns away and walks towards a room.

"After you." he says. In the back of your mind, an alarm goes off, but you have been given a command, no matter how nicely phrased and you must oblige.

You walk into the room and just as you make it past him, you feel him grope at your butt. You freeze.

"How old are you?" he asks

You know that. It was deemed important enough. "Sixteen."

"Old enough." he says. You have no clue what he means and just nod in response. You enter the room and look around.

It's spare. A metal table and a few chairs, a screen. That's it. Only two chairs are occupied, but the walls are lined with guards. They are here for them, to protect them from you, you realise. You must be a horrible person, if these guards are here to protect them.

The man and the woman look at you. A sense of dread settles in as you look at them. 

"Hello Asset." the man introduces himself "My name is Alexander Pierce, we've met before but I fear you don't remember. Sit." he points to the chair across from him. You sit and wait.

The woman gets up without any words and begins to speak in Russian. "This is the target." she turns on the screen and the face of a woman appears. "She's a dirty traitor. She betrayed our noble cause for her own desires. Eliminate the Black Widow."

She gives you a file with additional information and nods to the guards who escort you to a hangar.

In the jet, you leave through the file and skim the information, but you stop at the command paper. It had been signed by several people, all of them apparently important, but one catches your eye.

Madame B.

No normal person would sign like that. Only one person. Memories flash in your head, one after the other. A pair of ballet shoes, a flash of red hair, target practice, a red star. The guards must have noticed your hesitation because one of them comes back and drags him with you.

You board one of the jets and take off. After putting on a suit, a guard nods in the direction of a box and tells you to arm yourself. You comply and walk to the box. You don't actually remember ever arming yourself, but your body does. Muscle memory takes over as you select a number of knives, guns and two sword handles. You stop at those and stare, then you remember.

*****  
"I made these for you." a man says. He's a bit shorter than you and looks up, slightly annoyed at the height difference. "They're nanotech."

"Hydra could never." you hear yourself say. You are smirking too, you realise. Why?

"Yeah. Peter inspired me with his Star Wars talk. These aren't fancy laser swords-"

"You mean lightsabers." you interrupt

"Lightsabers if you will, but they are still pretty cool. Try 'em out."

You turn the handle and see the fingerprint reader.

The blade comes out of the handle pretty quickly and you do a few experimental swings.

"You're an absolute genius, Tony."

"I know, just don't tell capsicle you think so highly of me."

You laugh? Is that what you did? That is the last thing the memory shows you, then you snap back to reality.  
*****

The memory confuses you quite a bit. How could you ever slander the name of Hydra? You shrug it off, maybe it was for a mission, and try out the fingerprint panel. It still works and when the blade melts into shape, you can't help but feel guilty. You don't know why though.

The memories and emotions inside of you are so conflicting. You try to ignore them, but they come at a quicker pace. Finally, you manage to shut them out in favor of the mission, and not a moment too soon. The jet lands outside of the perimeter, just as planned.

You walk towards the facility where the Black Widow lives and wait until you hear your command through the comm. You begin to sprint, as the gates are unlocked for mere seconds and manage to make it inside. No alarms yet. They are feeling safe, the file told you. To them, Hydra isn't as powerful as it once was. How wrong they are.

Cut off one head, and two will grow back.

The main entrance isn't a problem, you punch in the code and then you are inside. As you creep through the mostly dark compound, the memories grow ever more present. They are distracting you and you don't hear the man until he taps you on the shoulder.

You whip around.

"We were so worr-" he says, before you slam the syringe you had in your belt into his neck. He had been mentioned in the file as Captain America but you were supposed to kill him only if neccessary, Hydra wanted to make him their weapon as well.

You look at him, crumpled on the floor. Blond hair, clean face, square shoulders and the style of an old man. He isn't a stranger either. He is a super soldier, you can tell. There is just something about you that sets you apart from the rest.

You ignore him and your emotions and make your way towards another room. It's an office and inside, the light is on. You can see your target, at the moment oblivious. You reach down to your holster when the Black Widow throws her legs up on the table. You freeze. You know this motion, and this person. A name flashes across your mind. Natasha 

The memories are suffocating, but you can't stop them anymore. The gun drops to the ground and alarms the target, no, Natasha. She looks up and walks towards the door. When she sees you, she kneels down in front of you.

"Oh Three. What have they done to you?" there are tears in her eyes

"We know each other, don't we?" you ask her

"Yes."

"I don't-" you begin, your own eyes beginning to sting from tears.

"It's okay, you don't have to explain."

You begin to relax when your comm crackles. "Kill her."

Natasha looks up, and even though she couldn't have understood the command she pulls you up. She looks at you with worry in her eyes.

"I can't stay here." you say

"I know." she walks to her table and retrieves a bag from under it.

"Take this and run. Come back whenever you want. The guns inside are blasters from Tony, he's a friend. You don't need ammunition for them, they use laser." she gives the bag to you "I'll try to buy you some time." she adds

You turn and begin to leave when you hear her call your number.

"Three?" she asks

You look back at her.

"I know you don't remember, but I want you to know this: I love you. No matter what."

Then you run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If they kill Madame B. in the Black Widow movie, I'll call it a canon divergence.


	9. A flash of green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try to keep your head up in spite of all the shit that is happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of suicide, Gore

The sun goes down and with that, it is time for your little troupe to settle down as well. Fíli and Kíli soon left you alone after your initial conversation. You weren't sure if it was because of you or something their uncle had said, but you welcomed the solitude.

Dwalin had left you alone as well and was currently talking to Thorin. You watched as the others made camp, not knowing what to do and decided to take a look at your wounds.

They were all healing well, the bullet wound already almost a scar, except for the wound in your stomach. You lifted away the part of your suit and removed the bandage.

"Shit." you cursed under your breath. The wound wasn't closing. You weren't sure if it was the fact that an agent had bodyslammed it or if something had been done to the knife, but it wasn't looking good.

You put the bandage back on and pretend as if there wasn't a festering hole in your stomach that might kill you and walked over to Dori and Ori.

"Any of you got a spare needle and some thread?" you ask. This was going to hurt like hell.

"Oh yes, of course. If your clothing needs mending, you could just give it to me though." Ori kindly offers

You smile and thank him and go over to the fire that has been started already. There, you hold the needle into the fire, careful to obscure said action from Ori.

When you are sure that it is clean, you take it out and let it cool a bit.

"I'll be back in a minute." you announce before leaving the camp

"No." Thorin says

"What? Why not?"

"We can't afford having to take care of you. You'll stay in the camp." 

"I can take care of myself. And besides this won't take long."

"No." he repeats

"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you." you mutter. You have no problem with sewing yourself shut in front of others, but they might not take it well. And in truth, you didn't want them to know you were injured.

You sit down at the edge of the camp and deactivate the part of your suit where the wound is, making it dissapear with nano-tech. Then, you lift up the hem of your tanktop and take of the bandage.

You curse, again, and then grit your teeth. The pain is bad, but not as excruciating as some other shit you've been through. After the first stitch, you realise you have done this before in a similar setting.

You are halfway through and almost used to the pain when Bilbo's screaming interrupts you. What happened to him?

"By the Valar! What happened?" he gasps

You look up and see that he is looking at you.

"It's fine, just look away or something." you reply, not wanting to draw any attention to yourself.

"No. This will not do at all!" he is still screeching. "Oin! Where is Oin? We need a healer! Y/N is mortally injured!"

So your new name has been made known to everyone. That's nice to know.

You shrug and continue to close the wound when Oin comes scampering to Bilbo.

"What's wrong now? You're mortally injured?" he asks Bilbo

"Not me! Her!" Bilbo points at you

"Hey! It wasn't my fault!" you manage

And now, exactly what you wanted to avoid has happened: everyone is staring at you. Or well, your wound."

"Oh my!" Bilbo exclaims, before fainting

"Very helpful." you comment, before finishing up on the wound

You get up and go over to the fire to clean the needle before Oin can say anything, feeling 14 pairs of eyes (Gandalf included) following you. Then you wash the needle clean in the water from the canteen that was given to you.

Ori is as pale as a ghost when you stand in front of him.

"Sorry about your needle. I'll get you a new one."

"I-" he begins and then stops and just stares

"A run-in, huh?" Nori asks "Yer a good liar though, I'll give you that."

"Thanks, it only took years of training." you reply

"Lass, let me have a look." Oin says

"No worries, I'm all done. Can you give me a desinfectant? I really don't want to use fire." 

"Sit down." Oin says "I really have to take a look at that, lass."

"I can handle it myself." you reply more defensively. You really try to play the role of a social and kind of normal person, but the more time you spend with them and the more they want to know about you, the more your old, distrusting personality shines through.

"Sit." Thorin commands

"No." you argue

"You signed a contract, now you will follow my orders. Sit down and let Oin take care of you."

You don't want them to see. But what choice do you have? You know Dwalin wouldn't go around telling your life story, but one person is more than enough. If Oin takes a look, he will see the scars and everyone will know.

"Why is it so important? I can apply medicine myself." you say

"You will do as I command." he really is a stubborn ass.

"Fine." you sit and lift your top up so that Oin can take a look at the wound.

He looks at it calmly and then looks at you.

"How are you not dead yet? No daughter of men should be able to survive this."

"Don't ask me." you lie

He applies the salve and then puts on a new bandage. Then, he tells everyone to shoo.

"I want to talk to her in private."

You walk out of hearing distance and sit.

"You're hiding something." he says accusingly

"No I'm not." 

"You're a good liar, but the scars speak for themselves. You aren't an ordinary girl."

"I mean, I am from another world."

"No one your age should have these scars."

"Well I have them."

"You have the worst scars I've ever seen on a patient."

Self-consciously, you trace over the metal in your arm, obscured from view by your suit. If only he knew.

"I'm still not going to tell you."

"We all have our secrets. I respect that." he replies and leaves

You stay seated and watch the sunset. It is something you have done many times before.

*****memory*****

"Asset." 

"Yes, sir."

"The Winter Soldier is failing his mission. Go fix it."

You leave, tracking him down to go help him. If it weren't for you, his successrate wouldn't be a hundred percent but no one ever gave you credit for it. You took it as a good thing. It meant no one knew about you.

Moscow is loud, as always, and yet you manage to spot him quickly. He is in combat with a few agents. 

You assess the situation and decide to climb one of the buildings. On all fours, you crawl behind a chimney and get your rifle in position. The silencer is already on.

He is left with four agents, but he's disarmed and injured. You'll be able to take down at least two before they notice you.

With only one agent left, the Winter Soldier has regained the upper hand.

He knows where you are. He is a shadow as well, after all. A very noisy shadow.

"Why are you here?" he asks

"They sent me. You should be grateful."

"I'd much rather be dead."

"You never go through with it."

"Neither do you."

"I want to live before I die. You already had a life." he doesn't remember, but you always tell him anyways

"So do you." he gestures at nothing

"This isn't life."

He says nothing but takes you by the arm and pulls you to the ledge of the roof.

It isn't gentle, but he forgets how to be that most of the time. You want to stop him. Remembering will only make it worse for him. Then again, you try to make him recall as much as possible.

You both sit, letting your leg dangle from the edge. The city quiets down.

"Look." he says

The sun is setting. It isn't anything special, really, but to you, it is so beautiful.

The days spent in solitary confinement or underground cellars are almost forgotten as a light breeze ruffles the Soldier's hair. 

And just before the sun is completely gone, there is a flash of green. Then, the night settles in.

He squeezes your hand. It's a gentle gesture, something that is from before.

You are both silent on the way back. When you are back, both of you pretend nothing happened. 

But the flash of green gave you a feeling you have never felt before.

You feel hope.

They wipe him, of course, but the memory seems to have gone deeper. Many times after that night, you watch the sunset after missions. It's an unspoken promise between you.

The scenery changes. Wakanda, you realise. The Winter Soldier comes out of his hut. He is wearing strange clothes and his arm is gone.

"Hello Dad." you hear yourself say. Is he your father?

"Hey kid." Perhaps it was just a mission

He takes your hand and squeezes it, like so many years ago in Moscow. Together, you walk to the edge of the lake.

The sun sets over the lake and it looks as if the lake itself is made of pure gold. 

"Sunsets in the desert are especially beautiful, you know?" you say

"The one in Moscow is still my favorite." he replies

"Maybe we should go back to that roof one day."

"Maybe we should." he agrees

*****memory ends*****

You feel your eyes sting when the memory ends. It makes you feel sad and happy at the same time and it has a sense of nostalgia.

Hope. You try to remember what it felt like. Maybe one day, when all of this is over, you'll be able to go to that roof. If you ever get back, that is.

Then, the flash of green appears, and the feeling returns. It is a strange feeling, like the spark that can start a fire or what you imagine a bird taking flight for the first time would feel like. Strange, but good.

You go back to the camp. Maybe this mission has more than just a reward in store for you.


	10. Trolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After saving the rest of the company from the trolls, you are faced with more questions about your past, many of which you can't answer yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence, blood, pedophilia, rape, the usual stuff…

"Do you want stew Y/N?" Bombur asks you when you sit next to the fire.

"Yes, please." 

He hands you the stew and returns to his cookpot. You don't question what is inside the stew and anyhow, it tastes better than most of the stuff you can remember eating. Which isn't very hard when taking rats and rotten vegetables into consideration.

You jump when you hear a loud crack in the forest but brush it off as wild animals. Unluckily for you, it turned out to not be wild animals. You were about to go back to your dinner when Fíli and Kíli came rushing back into camp.

"Bilbo has been captured by trolls! They took our ponies too." Kíli exclaims. 

Thorin immediately gets uo and commands the rest of the company to help him save Bilbo. You, naturally get up as well and secure the small gun in your thigh holster.

"You're not coming." Thorin says

"Why not?"

"You don't have any weapons and you don't know how to fight. Daughters of men never do."

"That's racist. And besides, I know how to fight."

"You're staying behind." 

You sit down and take the gun out of its holster. It is perfect condition, but unlike Tony's blasters, regular guns can always be taken better care of.

"If they don't want my help, I won't give it to them." you mutter to yourself. You have a feeling of what is about to happen, but stay at the campsite. It's not worth it.

Or so you tell yourself. You hear the battlecries of the dwarves which soon are diminished by what you guess are the trolls. Finally, curiosity wins you over and you decide to check on what is going on.

You creep up to the bushes surrounding the clearing and take in a sharp breath when you see what has happened to the dwarves.

It is almost comical, some of them being tied over the fire for dinner while others, including the oh-so-majestic Thorin, have been stuck in sacks.

Slowly, you climb one of the trees and take up range with your sniper. You're glad it's the one Tony made for you, for you can't waste time by putting on a silencer.

You pull the trigger and don't even check if the laser has hit its mark (it probably has anyways) and aim at the second troll. This one notices the red dot on his forehead but before he can say anything, he is dead on the floor next to his ugly companion.

But you hadn't taken notice of the third one. Quicker than you woud've thought it possible, he yanks you out of the trees. You can hear your sniper falling to the ground.

"What do we have here? A frightened, helpless little girl. That's what you would want me to think right?" he sneers at you and begins to squeeze the air out of your lungs

Without thinking, you bite his hand as hard as you can. He yowls, and loosens his grip just enough for you to get the hand gun out of its holster.

"Fuck off." you tell him before shooting him into the eye. He doesn't die as quickly as his friends and before he falls to the ground, he throws you against the trunk of a tree.

Right now, you are more than thankful for the vibranium in your back. Otherwise, your spine would probably be shattered and your ribs broken, but you get up nonchalantly and retrieve your sniper before putting out the fire.

Without another word, you free the dwarves from their bindings and march back to camp, not looking back.

They join you after a while and you notice the new swod attached to Thorin's hip.

You try to finally finish your stew but Thorin comes up to you with his grumpy face, as you call it.

"What are you hiding?"

"You're welcome that I saved your ass." you reply

"Who are you?" he tries again

"Does that matter?"

"You could be a bounty hunter who is after my head for all I know."

"You listen to me Thorin Oakenshield." you reply, not even trying to hide the hostility in your voice, 

"I don't care who you are and I don't give a fuck about this quest. I'm here for the money, which is much higher than any possible bounty on your head. I have had countless opportunities to kill you and I could kill everyone in this company in two mintues if I wanted to. And it is none of your fucking bussiness who I am. Do you understand?"

"I think you should tell them." Dwalin intervenes quietly

"What I told you were the nice parts. I don't plan on telling everyone the tragedy of my life so they can cry about it for me."

"You really should tell them, Y/N, if you want them to take you more seriously." Gandalf argues

"Where the fuck did you come from?"

"Oh I was planning on saving them but you already did that." 

"Fine. Sit down and buckle up 'cause this is gonna be a wild ride. Oh and I might miss some parts, got my memories wiped a few times." you say. A few times, you think to yourself and almost laugh again.

"So…" you begin. In the last few days, memories have begun to return to you, and right now, you're trying to make some order in your head.

"Let's see. I was born as an experiment to HYDRA-"

"What's HYDRA?" Kíli interrupts

"The bad guys from my world. Compare them to Sauron or Smaug if you want."

"My parents are both super soldiers." you glare at Kíli who looks like he is about to interrupt you again.

"Which means they have enhanced speed, stamina, strength, and so on. My mother was a Russian assassin in an elite squad I think. She died after giving birth to me." the dwarves gasp and you chuckle darkly at their reaction.

"If you think that's bad well… My father was the Winter Soldier, the most dangerous assassin in the world and a super soldier as well. 

HYDRA wanted me to be a perfect soldier and despite already being stronger than my parents, they regularly injected me with the super soldier serum when I was still a toddler." 

You pause again. "Okay, the next part will be tough, but please keep in mind that dwarves and men age differently.

The experiments were done by a man called doctor Arnim Zola. He basically raised me. By that I mean that he was the only one who talked to me. He gave me sweets and for a long time I thought he was a good person.

In my four-year-old mind, he was good because he showed me some kind of twisted kindness. I didn't realise that raping me and torturing me made him a horrible person. But how could I know? I was only four."

"Are you saying that-" an ashen Bilbo interrupts

"Yes. He raped me when I was four. Atleast, that's the first time I remember."

It takes a while until the dwarves have quieted down enough for you to go on with your story.

"He wasn't responsible for my combat training though. I have been training for as long as I can remember, I was supposed to be HYDRA's weapon after all.

When I was five, I went on my first mission. I played a child progidy, which is a child with incredible skills exceeding the expectations for their age.

The girl I pretended to be had been removed and after I played my violin solo, I went to the afterparty and killed the target. That was the first person I killed, I think.

I got older and began training in the Red Room, which is an institution for assassins and with the Winter Soldier. 

When I was eight, I went on my first sexspionage mission." you feel your throat constricting but pushed the feeling away. They had wanted to know. The horror in their faces would only grow and to be honest, Thorin deserved that.

"I killed a man after seducing him. They knew it would break other girls but the serum made it possible for me to survive it mentally.

After that, it's mostly the same. Killing, torturing, rape, training. When I was ten, a handler of mine started raping me more regularly. He enjoyed it, not only because he liked hurting little girls, but because he got rewarded to do it.

Not many men are like him, not even in HYDRA. I wanted to kill him but I never got to.

When I was twelve, I met Natasha Romanov for the second time. I had met her before in the Red Room, but due to something called Cyro, she aged more quickly. She was an adult then.

She patched me up and showed me some kindness, real kindness without any bad intentions behind them.

When I was fourteen, I helped my father escape. I was punished of course, but it was worth it. Two years later, for the rest of the world, for me it had been a night, a man called Zemo woke me up.

He wanted to destroy the Avengers, a group of heroes and he used me to guiltrip my father.

After escaping that, I almost died but was saved by a woman called Shuri. She was from Wakanda. They let me be free for the first time. I tried to catch up with my father and get to know him, but about half a year later, a being called Thanos came to earth.

He wanted to kill half the Earths population. There was a huge battle but he won, and with some magic it only took the snap of his finger.

The blip killed my father. Natasha Romanov took me to the Headquarters of the Avengers in America. I tried to live a good life but my past was catching up.

Two years later, I was kidnapped by HYDRA, which was thought long gone. They wiped all my memories and sent me to kill Nat.

I would've done it, but I remembered something. She helped me flee the compound but HYDRA was in the way. They were the ones who injured me.

Then I ended up here.

That's my story. If you treat me any different or pity me, I might hit you." you ended. You left out the metal plates and the details of your torture and so much more, but those were your own secrets to keep.

They stared at you with a mixture of awe, guilt and horror. To your surprise, none of them seemed disgusted or angry at you.

"There you have your story Oakenshield." you snapped when the silence became unbearable.

"How old are you now?" Fíli asked quietly

"Sixteen."

"You aren't an adult, not even by the standards of men."

"I never had a childhood, so it doesn't matter."

You walk away before anyone can say more and sit down a few meters from camp. You regret telling them, they would know your weaknesses now. Since all your weapons were in perfect condition, you decided to train.

Training was something you hadn't done in a long time and only when the throwing knives were stuck to the bark of a tree did you realise how much you'd missed it.

Not training with HYDRA, but on your own. It helped you to find peace within yourself, which was ironic.

You continued training long after everyone else and now, the lack of sleep was catching up on you. Tired but somewhat satisfied, you went back to the fire to settle down. Bofur was on watch and before you made it past the perimeter, he stopped you.

"Lass, I know ye didn't want us to pity ye, but I just wanted ye to know that I am sorry for yer loss. I can only imagine what it must be like to have her lost to you. Natasha, I mean."

"Thank you."

"Ye should try to live a little here. The quest is dangerous but none of the villains of yer past are here."

"I'll try."

"Sleep well, Y/N."

"You too Bofur."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of this?
> 
> Feel free to leave feedback and kudos and check out my other works <3


	11. Rivendell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The company runs from the orc pack and makes it to Rivendell. You aren't too keen about some elven abilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence, ptsd

It was the next morning and the company was peacefully walking along the trail, getting some of their distance behind them. At the moment, no one talked to you. Fíli and Kíli hadn't spoken a word since the night where you had talked about your past and much of the company had followed their example.

Thorin was walking towards you, leaving Gandalf and Balin to lead the group. You had anticipated this, to some degree of course, but you were not looking forward to it. Were they going to throw you out of their group? It wouldn't be a problem of course, but you wanted them to like you.

He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by screaming. An old man with birdshit on his face was proclaiming bloody murder as his sledge came to a skittering halt in front of Gandalf.

He began talking in a language that you did not understand but by analyzing his body language and tone and using common sense, you could tell that he was distressed, and more importantly, scared.

He was still speaking to Gandalf when you heard a low growl on your right. None of the dwarves had seemed to notice it, all of them were distracted by Radagast, but you were trained to always be attentive to the little details.

Carefully, you looked to your right and saw a gigantic wolf ready to pounce. Fíli and Kíli were standing under the overhang, completely oblivious. Without thinking, you ripped the blaster from your belt and shot it dead.

They jumped as the wolf fell in front of them, dead as he could be. All the attention was now on the wolf.

"Warg scouts," Thorin stated "Where they go, the orc pack will soon follow."

"Run, you fools." Gandalf barked and began running himself.

Soon you heard what you took for an orc pack behind you. Then, one of them shot an arrow at you. You didn't slow down. Instead, you raised your arm behind your head to stop the arrow. Kíli, who had seen that, looked at you in horror. He yelled a warning but the arrow hit its "mark". It was deflected by the metal plating, now free in the windows of your suit, and fell to the ground with a metallic "clink".

You kept on running, pulling Kíli with you. Finally, you made it into some kind of meadow. The man dressed in brown reappeared.

"I'll draw them away." he said

"These are Gundabag Wargs, they'll outrun you." Gandalf argued

"These are Rhosgobel Rabbits," Radagast replied, smirking, "I'd like to see them try."

He was already on his way but briefly slowed to yell over his shoulder.

"And in any case, you've got her."

Then you were running again. Kíli was firing arrow after arrow and doing his best to kill the Wargs that were still after them, but soon, you were all caught behind an overhanging rock.

"Don't move." Thorin whispered

You could hear the warg approaching. Ignoring the protest in the dwarves eyes, you snuck out from under the rock, hiding in the tall grass and reappeared a few meters away.

"Here you ugly fuck." you yelled

The orc whipped around and urged his warg away from the rock. You sighed at the thought of the stunt you were about to try. Natasha would rip your head off for being so reckless. 

The orc approached you and you began to pick up speed, running away from him. Then, when you were sure the beast was near enough, you jumped up in the air, making a backflip. While still flying, you grabbed for one of the deactivated blades and took it into your hand. The orc looked up in wonder and that was enough for your assumptions to be correct: you landed behind him.

Now sitting on the warg, you killed its rider by simply activating your blade. Quickly, you retracted it, before stabbing the warg as well. Then, you begn running back to the rocks again.

"Over here you fools!" Gandalf suddenly shouted, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

The dwarves broke into a run again and you followed, killing orcs and wargs behind you. Without hesitating, you jumped into the hole in the ground. THe last thing you heard was some sort of music.

You landed on the ground, unhurt and dusted yourself off.

"WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING?" Thorin yelled at you.

"Saving your ass, I presume." you replied calmly

"We have no time for this." Gandalf said briskly

"There's a path! Should we follow it?" Dwalin asked

"I don't see any other options." Bofur replied

You followed the rest of the Company as they made their way into the valley. Most of them stopped to look at Rivendell in awr, but you felt like you had been there before. You shrugged and kept walking.

Thorin was looking hilariously mad as the elves did their childish little riding trick. Introductions and talking were in order and soon, Lord Elrond approached you.

"We observed your skill outside of Rivendell. It is quite remarkable. I have never seen an elf fight with such grace, much less a daughter of men."

"Thank you I guess." you replied to the backhanded compliment. You didn't like racists. You had only accompanied Shuri to America once, but that man insulting the woman who had saved your life and your mind had been enough for you to consider the option of leaving all reason behind.

"I would like to see you spar with a few of my warriors, if that could be arranged."

"Whatever you like."

Soon enough, the ellon named Lindir escorted you to your rooms. It was calm here, but you didn't let the peace lull you into a sense of safety. They hurt girls everywhere.

And you were right. You felt something, similar to an impending headache. You had only felt this once before, and that was when they had let that sokovian woman interrogate you. You were no fool, someone was trying to get inside your head and the only one you could consider right now was Lindir.

"My lady, if you wish, we could escort you to the infirmary." he said, just as you were about to speak up

The dwarves looked at you in wonder as you had sustained no injury but you knew he was talking about the ruins of your mind.

You slammed Lindir intp the next pillar and held him there, applying pressure to his neck with the metal plates of your arm. There was a collective gasp from the company, as they thought this was unprovoked.

"Get the fuck out of my head." you snarled at him, before letting him slump to the ground. He had the grace to look ashamed.

"I will ask one of the ladies to get you ready for dinner." he said pointing to a door and rubbing his neck.

You shut the door behind you without another word, hoping to finally get some peace. Not wanting to wait for any of these "ladies" you made yourself a bath and cleaned up. You were brushing through your hair with a comb when there was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in." you said, while grabbing a knife from your collection.

The woman in front of you was breathtakingly beautiful. She had long, chestnut hair and amber eyes that seemed comforting in some way.

"My name is Caerwyn. Lord Elrond sent me to help you get ready. I brought you a dress but I can only hope it fits."

You nodded in response and followed her to the vanity, where she sat you down and began to braid your h/c hair. It was nothing too complicated, only something to keep it from falling into your face.

Relaxing was impossible for you. This felt like mission preparation, and mission preparation meant pain. Still, you complied, like you had been taught.

Soon enough, she was done and beckoned you to follow her back to the bed. She gave you a shift and a stay and told you to change into them while she got the dress.

The shift didn't cover your arms, you realized. It was a terrifying discovery for you, and more so when Caerwyn returned to the room. 

"Fuck it. I might die soon." you muttered to yourself and walked to face her.

The dress she was holding was just as breathtaking as her. It was white, much like those you had seen on your brief tour of Rivendell and had structured sleeves and bodice, the sleeves were split though. They were going to show your arms.

Caerwyn noticed them too, but said nothing. She ran a finger over the metal plating and then stopped at the scarring around them.

"There are crimes that should never be done to others in the first place." she said

You looked up at her and then stood from the chair you were in. A couple of awkward seconds passed but then she closed the gap between you and embraced you. It was what others would call a "hug". You carefully wrapped your arms around her and then took a step back.

"Let's do this." you said

You were in the dress and ready to go, but Caerwyn stopped you.

"You look rigid," she laughed and gave you a band of leather "take a dagger with you, if that is what makes you comfortable."

"Thank you." you replied

You were walking towards the dinign hall, already hearing the raucious laughter from the dwarves when someone called your name.

"Y/N."

You turned around and saw someone who you immediately recognized.

"Lady Galadriel."

"I would like to speak to you later on. You seem to be a most impressive woman."

"Thank you. Though I must admit, being older than the stars is quite impressive as well." Where did that come from?

"Then it is agreed."

"After dinner?" you asked

"After dinner." she confirmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The jump is inspired by this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJMsQYFimZc  
> Your blades are inspired by the darksaber from Star Wars  
> dress: https://www.costumepartyworld.com/game-of-thrones-daenerys-targaryen-long-white-dress-cosplay-costume?___store=dk&___from_store=ae

**Author's Note:**

> The arm plates don´t go all around, they just cover the outside of her arm (there were the back of your hand is)


End file.
